Mommy guilt got me bad yesterday. As I had to leave my sick little boy at my moms house while I went to work. I was mad, I was angry, I was frustrated, I was sad. I've never had to leave him when he wasn't feeling well before. I work in the office of a school, and school starts next week...so really this is a the worse week ever for C to get sick. Luckily, I have a great boss who understands needing to take the little guy to the doctors, but there is so much to do that I just cannot take the day off. (Obviously, if there was a big emergency, or C was even sicker, I would work something out and stay home.)
Leaving a crying child behind is hard enough, C doesn't cry often when we leave him with our parents, but he does sometimes and it's not easy. However, leaving a child who just wants to cuddle because he's not feeling well, and you're leaving to go to WORK...just SUCKS!!!! I couldn't imagine anything that felt worse yesterday. Of course, I know that we are so very lucky to have what we do, there are people who are so much worse off than we are...but that thought was not helping at all yesterday. But, mommy guilt, not a nice thing at all!
Luckily today, Hubby is able to stay home and take C to the doctors...again. At his check up yesterday his oxygen levels were still not the best, but they did respond to his treatment. The doctor kept mentioning he might need to go be monitored at the ER if his oxygen levels didn't get better. He's also not able to make it the 4 hours between treatments without going into distress (meaning his body is relying on the treatment to help him breath, not using it a tool to get better.) He started yet another med yesterday, an allergy medicine this time to try to knock out the congestion to see if that helps. So now is on 3 oral medications and his breathing treatment.
I hate giving him so many meds. How could a good mom let her child get to the level of needing so many meds??? One of which is a steroid and another is helping him breath. I know, logically, that there was nothing we could do to prevent this. When kids get sick, they get sick fast and big. But, mommy guilt is not a nice thing at all!
So, today should be a full day at work getting things done around the office that have been pushed aside while Hubby stays home and helps C feel better. Hubby is a WONDERFUL father. I could not have asked for a better partner. But, I can't help but be angry that I have to go to work. I can't help but feel jealous that Hubby is able to take a full day off while I was only able to take a couple hours. I can't help but feel upset that I feel this way.
Mommy Guilt....not a nice thing at all...